Life

Let's go back

Back to the beginning

Back to where the earth, the moon, the stars all aligned......

Maybe I'll get a new job tomorrow.  One can only hope and if not it's ok.

Will there ever be a time when I know what I want out of life again?  I hope so, I don't particulary like being in limbo.

When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too....

I give up on trying to figure things out for myself anymore.  I just want to be happy and want to love someone and have him love me back.  I thought we were soulmates.  I felt a click with him that first night we went to the symphony that I had never felt with any guy I had ever dated before.    In some strange way us being together right now just doesn't seem right either.  I just feel like I'm at this in between point I want to break out of.  I've broken out of it before, it'll come.  This was different though, I should have known better than to date someone with so many underlying issues from his childhood. 

 No, that's not fair.  I shouldn't say that.  That's mean of me.  I wanted to take him and love him and show him that the world was a good place and show him the kind of love he had never had in his childhood.  Gosh I hurt for him knowing how his childhood must have been, mine was so great.  I would love to go back.   I guess things have a way of working themselves out.  Gosh, I hope when I meet the right one whether it be him or someone else, I never end up getting divorced.  I just don't think I could take it. 

When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too....

I give up on trying to figure things out for myself anymore.  I just want to be happy and want to love someone and have him love me back.  I thought we were soulmates.  I felt a click with him that first night we went to the symphony that I had never felt with any guy I had ever dated before.    In some strange way us being together right now just doesn't seem right either.  I just feel like I'm at this in between point I want to break out of.  I've broken out of it before, it'll come.  This was different though, I should have known better than to date someone with so many underlying issues from his childhood. 

 No, that's not fair.  I shouldn't say that.  That's mean of me.  I wanted to take him and love him and show him that the world was a good place and show him the kind of love he had never had in his childhood.  Gosh I hurt for him knowing how his childhood must have been, mine was so great.  I would love to go back.   I guess things have a way of working themselves out.  Gosh, I hope when I meet the right one whether it be him or someone else, I never end up getting divorced.  I just don't think I could take it. 

Well I had an amazing weekend.  The boyfriend came home from school and we hung out all weekend.  I'm going up there next weekend and we are probably going to stay at the snowboarding resort and go snowboarding.  I'm pumped.  I'm so glad he's come into life.  When I'm with him and even when he's not around everything in my life just feels so right.  Even the fact that I lost my job is ok. 

 Everything in life happens for a reason.  I've always prided myself on having lots and lots of self confidence and losing this job hasn't really even phased me.  I view it as their loss, not mine.  What a miserable place to work it was.  I'm quite amused by the fact that someone else quit last Thursday and she said one of the reason's she decided to go ahead and leave is because of what they did to me. Haha!  Serves them right!  Too bad everyone doesn't quit.  Then they really would be up the creek without a paddle.  I'm quite pleased with myself, I have a phone interview with a firm tomorrow morning at 10 am.  That's exciting, I've never had a phone interview before but I'm sure it'll be just like a regular interview except I get to sit here in my pajamas if I want and talk to them.  Another thing that I'm extremely pleased with myself about is the fact that I interviewed with a firm on campus last fall and really connected with the recruiter, we were both all over the place and just had a good old time talking.  She liked me so well she told me in the interview that she was bringing up to Richmond for an office visit because I said Raleigh was my first choice and Richmond was my second and she said if I absolutely hated Richmond she would get me in Raleigh but to give Richmond a go.  Well I never went because I went ahead and jumped on the other firm, yeah, big mistake but seemed like a good thing at the time.  Well, I was looking on Monster.com and I saw they were looking for staff in another office and it had her down to contact.  I decided to shoot her an e-mail on Friday with my resume and explained who I was and I wasn't sure if she remembered me or not.  Well, she wrote me back almost instantly to tell me she remembered me and I had perfect timing because she had just had some new openings in Raleigh and to give her a call Monday and we'd set up an interview, go me!  Networking!!! :)  I'm pumped.  I'm freaking out a little about money, my parents said they will help me out but I absolutely despise asking them for money and I hope it doesn't come to that.  I still have another paycheck from Dixon and I should be getting unemployment if I don't have a job before my paycheck runs out.  Anywho, just thought I would update.  Laters!

Well, well, well.  I decided to start a new blog.  Well we all know about my move which was back in the summer.  I love, love, love living in Raleigh.  I've come to the conclusion that it very well could be one of the best places on earth. 

Things that have been going on recently.  I'm dating a wonderful guy, we have been together since September.  We had our first date the day before Labor Day.  He took me to a symphony concert at a park in Cary.  It was lovely.  I thought I was in love before, but I've never been in love like this.  So I guess it wasn't really love then.  I've never felt so calm and good about a relationship as I feel about this.  I think we just have a wonderful mutual love and respect for each other.  He's so supportive of everything I do and I absolutely adore his family.  Probably more than mine, well more than my mother at least.  Don't even get me started on Carol.  We are getting along a bit better these days. I finally feel like she does actually love me and I'm not a huge dissapointment to her.

More big news!  I lost my job last week.  It was weird...when something like that happens you never think it'll happen to you.  I mean I have only ever had three jobs in my life including this one.  I don't job hop!  It kind of comes as a relief.  I hated it there so bad.  I would sit at my desk and burst out crying sometimes just because I hated it.  I had to hide that I was crying so that was hard.  I never thought I could possibly loathe something as much as I loathed that job.  When I got fired it almost felt like a relief.  It's so weird when something like that happens because I almost felt like time was standing still.  I was thinking "Is this really happening?'  Then I was thinking if it is really happening then I'm relieved.  It was almost the same way I felt when Peter and I broke up.  Relief, relief that I didn't have that stress anymore. 

So yes, I am well.  I've started looking this week.  I've got money saved and had severance pay so I'm not worried.  I have to stay here until my lease is up anyway and I'm sure I'll have something by then seeing how it isn't up until June 1.    My parents have been supportive and I know this happened for a reason.  I'm much happier now, just a little worried I don't have a job.  I guess I should relax and enjoy the break from working.  Work sucks.  I should go back to school and get my Ph.D.  Yeah, maybe not.  Anyways I'm off!

"Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly." ~Avril Lavigne